World Cup 2018/2022

Seriously, Russia and Qatar? Russia I can kind of see, but Qatar doesn't even have stadiums built yet. This is a load of crap.

Puppy Dog Eyes

I received the following email from a student last night:

hey,

i have looked all over the website and i cannot find the exam schedule?

help me?

thanks,

student name

I'd like to point out three things:

1) The exam schedule is posted all over campus.

2) Do people just not use capital letters anymore? I mean, I'm her professor and you'd think she would take a more professional approach.

3) The image I see when I read this email is a little dog looking up in the rain with big eyes and a pathetic look on its face, just hoping that someone will take pity on it. (I did have pity on this student and help find the information.)

I think I need to have Plainbellied draw it out so I can post it. If you haven't seen them, her new drawings are AWESOME.

Messing with People

For this post to make sense, you have to know that I share very little personal information with my students. I'm willing to chat about movies, TV, books, or whatever, but they don't know my son has Down Syndrome, they don't know I'm Mormon (well, most of them don't), and they don't know about my struggles on the job market. I don't think any of that is their business. We're friendly with each other, but they aren't my friends, and I'm not theirs. That's what makes this story fun.

Yesterday, my students asked how my Thanksgiving break had gone. I don't know what possessed me to do it, but I said, "Well, my wife asked for a divorce, so what do you think?" The look of shock and horror on their faces was priceless. I love to mess with people (I enjoy asking people, "Are you calling me fat?" to see their reaction), and this was a good one. After about five seconds of totally hilarious awkwardness, I told them the truth. "I'm messing with you. I had a great weekend." Their sighs of relief were audible across the room.

For the record--my marital bliss has seldom been higher. I love my wife, and I love my children. But I couldn't resist making the joke.

New Goal

I'm going to post every day. It might just be a funny picture or video, but I'll put something up every day for a while. It helps get the creative juices going.

Turtar Is Back!

OK, I know what you're thinking: why haven't you posted in over a year and a half Turtar? Well, I've been busy. That's why. Now I'm back. I think the key to all of this is that I realized that I don't really have that much to share with you. Especially since "you" is "no one," because I'm pretty sure no one reads my blog. That's fine. I've got a plan to win new followers. Well, it's not really a plan so much as the fact that I'm going to start writing again. I have a book to get written, and sometimes it helps me to write completely random thoughts in this space. Then my academic writing comes more naturally.

All I have to tell you right now is that yesterday Plainbellied said something funny. We were listening to Christmas music on the way to church, and Ella Fitzgerald started to sing "Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer." Plainbellied said, "I have a problem with that song. Why does the song begin by asking if we've heard the story of Rudolph with the words 'do you recall the most famous reindeer of all?' If he's so famous, why do they have to ask us that?" So it put me on a quest to find out if the song introduced the legend of Rudolph, or if the story pre-dated the song. It turns out that the story of Rudolph was created for Montgomery Ward department stores in 1939 as part of an advertising campaign. The song was recorded in 1949. So there you have it: Rudolph is a fake.

I could tell you other funny things Plainbellied said in the conversation, but then I'd have to shoot you in the face.

More Plasma Fun!

Yesterday I went to sell my fluids again. Turns out that one of the other sellers (who looks like Eddie George), thinks I look like this guy, Arn Anderson of the Four Horsemen wrestling group. Those who know me can decide for themselves if it fits.

It's been interesting at the plasma center lately, because the it's under new ownership and is getting ready to move. In the meantime, they are implementing more and more new rules, both for the staff (who are increasingly disgruntled) and the donors (getting increasingly baffled by the labyrinthine system we have to go through to make a few dollars). One of those rules is a change to the "no sleeping" rule. For medical reasons, we aren't allowed to fall asleep while donating. It makes sense, and I'm never that tired while I donate anyway. Well, the new rule is that if you fall asleep, they will shut off your machine and send you away with only a partial payment. Before, they would just yell (nicely) at you until you woke up. A lot of people go give plasma on their way home from a night shift, so I've seen a few people get woken up in the past.

Well, yesterday one of the other patients was shut off and sent away (also banned from donating plasma for a week). I felt bad for her, because she really needs the money. I mean, I'm doing this to help make ends meet, but I also have some other options in an emergency. She was very upset. But the plasma people kind of laughed it off. It troubled me. I'm sure they get used to the type of people they work with and eventually numb to their problems, but there's a limit. Anyway, I felt bad, but there wasn't really anything I could do.

Comments From Her Nibs

Her Nibs has had a lot of good one-liners lately. Last night, we watched America's Funniest Home Videos as a family. After one video, she collapsed into laughter and said, "He got hit right on his penis!" Then this morning, as the family drove me to work (I was running late), she said to The Boy, "Don't worry. I'm not smoking. It's just the pen cap in my mouth." It was fun.

And apparently Her Nibs is set on getting me elected president of the United States. She told this to Plainbellied recently, but hadn't said anything to me until we were getting ready for church last week. I had a tie on and she said, "Daddy, you look like the President!" I can't tell you just how unqualified I would be for that job, but it's nice to know I have some support if I ever decided to apply for that job. But Plainbellied says it would be grounds for divorce. . . .