More Plasma Fun!

Yesterday I went to sell my fluids again. Turns out that one of the other sellers (who looks like Eddie George), thinks I look like this guy, Arn Anderson of the Four Horsemen wrestling group. Those who know me can decide for themselves if it fits.

It's been interesting at the plasma center lately, because the it's under new ownership and is getting ready to move. In the meantime, they are implementing more and more new rules, both for the staff (who are increasingly disgruntled) and the donors (getting increasingly baffled by the labyrinthine system we have to go through to make a few dollars). One of those rules is a change to the "no sleeping" rule. For medical reasons, we aren't allowed to fall asleep while donating. It makes sense, and I'm never that tired while I donate anyway. Well, the new rule is that if you fall asleep, they will shut off your machine and send you away with only a partial payment. Before, they would just yell (nicely) at you until you woke up. A lot of people go give plasma on their way home from a night shift, so I've seen a few people get woken up in the past.

Well, yesterday one of the other patients was shut off and sent away (also banned from donating plasma for a week). I felt bad for her, because she really needs the money. I mean, I'm doing this to help make ends meet, but I also have some other options in an emergency. She was very upset. But the plasma people kind of laughed it off. It troubled me. I'm sure they get used to the type of people they work with and eventually numb to their problems, but there's a limit. Anyway, I felt bad, but there wasn't really anything I could do.

Comments From Her Nibs

Her Nibs has had a lot of good one-liners lately. Last night, we watched America's Funniest Home Videos as a family. After one video, she collapsed into laughter and said, "He got hit right on his penis!" Then this morning, as the family drove me to work (I was running late), she said to The Boy, "Don't worry. I'm not smoking. It's just the pen cap in my mouth." It was fun.

And apparently Her Nibs is set on getting me elected president of the United States. She told this to Plainbellied recently, but hadn't said anything to me until we were getting ready for church last week. I had a tie on and she said, "Daddy, you look like the President!" I can't tell you just how unqualified I would be for that job, but it's nice to know I have some support if I ever decided to apply for that job. But Plainbellied says it would be grounds for divorce. . . .

I Can't Believe This Article

Today the CNN website posted an article from Parenting Magazine in which a woman talks about using parenting techniques on your spouse. Frankly, it disturbed me. The author seemed to think her husband was a child, when most of her examples made her seem more childish than her husband. In this day and age, we should have figured out that giving respect to our spouse is more effective than treating him/her like an idiot. Plainbellied and I can occasionally get on each other's nerves, but we behave like adults and either express what our problem is civilly or let it go if it isn't important. This article actually made me feel kind of ill.

My Best and Worst Boston Sports Jerseys

When Dave Dameshek initially announced his list of the best and worst Boston sports jerseys, I was so excited that I spent an hour or so constructing a list to email him my suggestions (as he had requested people do). Well, the email got bounced back to me because his email box was full. So here is my list, along with some commentary.

It was hard to choose the best numbers, since I have a lot of fond memories of Boston sports teams. So I decided to limit myself to two players per team. It made me wonder who were the best players for each team, not just as players, but who were the best for the team. You'll notice some obvious omissions from my honorable mention list, such as Paul Pierce, Ray Allen, Roger Clemens, Pedro Martinez, and Curt Schilling. I'm on the fence about them. I think that Pierce and Allen are great, but I'm not sure how I feel about them in the pantheon of Celtics players, and since my opinion is that Garnett brought the championship, his number is the most important to honor from the three. Schilling is a legend in Boston after the bloody sock game, but his off-field ramblings are kind of annoying. Pedro always had a kind of weird relationship with Boston, and Clemens, while a great player (and clean) in Boston, has turned into the poster child for what is wrong with baseball, so I wouldn't ever buy his shirt, but I don't think he fits in the "worst" category, so I left him off completely.

Best Jerseys

1. Larry Bird #33--I was torn about whether to put Bird or Russell first. I flipped a coin. The Celtics are definitely the best sports franchise in Boston (and the NBA), so they go first on my list.
2. Bill Russell #6--Greatest winner in NBA history (Jordan was the greatest player, Russell was the greatest winner). He and Bird, along with Red Auerbach, absolutely define Celtics basketball.
3. Carl Yastrzemski #8--I think Yaz is great. In a few years this list might look different when some of the World Series players retire, but for now it's Yaz.
4. Ted Williams #9--Last MLB player to hit over .400. There's no more to say.
5. Bobby Orr #4--The key to the Bruins' Stanley Cup victories in the early '70s.
6. Ray Bourque #77--#7 would be all right, but he switched numbers out of respect for Phil Esposito in 1995. He should have won the Stanley Cup in Boston, and no one blames him for finally leaving the city after bad management screwed up his chances of ever winning the cup there.
7. Tom Brady #12--This is the only active player on this list. The reason? He (and Bill Belichick) won the Super Bowl three times. I think that ought to count for something.
8. John Hannah #73--This was tough, but I picked Hannah over Andre Tippett. I have more memories of Tippett, but Hannah is a near-legend in New England.
9. Doug Flutie #22--His Hail Mary pass to win at Miami in the Orange Bowl has assured his Boston sports glory forever.
10. Mike Eruzione Team USA #21--How could I neglect the BU hockey player whose goal lifted the US national hockey team over Russia in the 1980 Olympics?

Honorable Mention

You'll notice a lot of Celtics players here. Well, if you're the best, you likely have a lot of good players. I've made comments about a few of them.

Kevin McHale #32
Robert Parish #00
Kevin Garnett #5 (Yes, he's an active player, but he was the reason, more than anyone else, that the Celtics won the title last year.)
John Havlicek #17
Bob Cousy #14
Tommy Heinsohn #15 (although his recent announcing history might disqualify him)
Dave Cowens #18
Reggie Lewis #35 (RIP)
Gerry Cheevers #30 (Best Goalie Mask Ever!!!)
Phil Esposito #7
Eddie Shore #2
Tedy Bruschi #54
Andre Tippett #56
Jim Rice #14 (Finally made the Hall!!!)
Carlton Fisk #27

Worst Jerseys

For my worst numbers to have, I decided to focus on notorious players, like Bill Buckner, and players that I feel "stabbed Boston in the back" by leaving for money elsewhere. Some, notably Celtics players from the 1990s, just suck or pissed me off somehow (Antoine Walker). I didn't bother to look up a lot of the numbers, and frankly couldn't be bothered to. These guys are losers.

1. Bill Buckner (for obvious reasons)
2. Tony Eason (also should be obvious)
3. Johnny Damon (sleazeball traitor)
4. Manny Ramirez (I thought long and hard about this one. He was a key on the championship teams, but his departure was so despicable, I've got him here for now. He might get rehabilitated some day)
5. Antoine Walker (The next four names are guys the Celtics drafted during their "dark ages.")
6. Acie Earl
7. Eric Montross
8. Michael Smith
9. Drew Bledsoe (best remembered as the guy benched in favor of Tom Brady)
10. Adam Vinatieri (stabbed the city in the back after it had been good to him)

Boston Sports Jerseys

One of the ESPN.com writers (Dave Dameshek) has started to write lists of the best (and worst) sports jerseys to buy for a given city. So far, he has done Pittsburgh, Los Angeles, and, most recently, Boston. I thought I would give my critique here.

I'm not very enthused by Dameshek's list, because I think he got too "cute" with his selections. He also has only seven people on the list. I don't think you can limit it to seven in Boston (unless you limit the number of Red Sox and Bruins jerseys). Anyway, here are my comments on his specific choices (I'm going to gloss over some of them).

Best Jerseys

1. Bobby Orr--Definitely should be included. Number 1? Probably not, unless you're a hockey fan.
2. Larry Bird--Another good choice, but I think it should be a game jersey, since the warm-up jackets from that era are kind of ugly.
3. Fred Lynn/Gabe Kapler/Josh Beckett--Seriously? While Lynn and Beckett are admittedly good players, I'm a little stunned that Dameshek would put them ahead of Yaz, Ted Williams, Jim Rice, David Ortiz or even Oil Can Boyd.
4. Tom Brady--I don't think we can argue about this one either. While I think the list should focus on players who have retired, Brady is one of two people most responsible for New England's Super Bowl success in the past decade (the other is Bill Belichick).
5. Mark Henderson--This is just stupid. Henderson is the guy who used a snowplow to clear a spot on the field to help the Patriots' kicker in 1982. He doesn't count as a player, and should absolutely be stricken from this list.
6. Doug Flutie--Absolutely.
7. Derek Sanderson--No and no. He might have been a character, but you're going to tell me he should be on this list ahead of Ray Bourque, Phil Esposito and Gerry Cheevers? Not to mention players from other sports. I'm absolutely flabbergasted that there are more Bruins players on this list than Celtics.

Honorable Mention

I'm not sure what to say about this. I just don't like it when he cops out saying, "Any member of '60s or '80s Celtics (except Greg Kite)" and things like that. He never mentions Bill Russell or John Havlicek by name. This is an absolute travesty.

Worst Jerseys

1. Johnny Damon--Definitely should be on this list for the way he stabbed Boston in the back. Should he be top of the list? Probably not.
2. Roger Clemens--I'm torn about this. I don't like Clemens, and he was a jerk in Boston, but he was likely clean while he was there, and he was a great player. Most of his really terrible problems have been since he left there. I would leave him off the list altogether.
3. Bob Stanley--This is dumb. We all know Bill Buckner screwed up. There's no reason to try rehabilitating him by shifting blame to Bob Stanley. I was watching that game. Buckner is the goat.
4. Rick Pitino--Again, this isn't a player, but Pitino certainly needs to be reviled in Boston.
5. Tony Eason--Agreed.
6. Eric Mangini--Another coach. Did Dameshek have trouble coming up with players?
7. Gold Alternate Bruins--Not my favorite jersey, but worst? Probably not.

Coming up next. . . my own list of best and worst jerseys.

Today at Plasma

I got in and out of the plasma center relatively quickly today. There is a guy who has been doing it for years who told me some of his "secrets" for giving blood more quickly (he does things I'm not willing to do to my body for a measly check--maybe for a really large check. . .), and he was there today. Well, he was "deferred." When someone is "deferred," it means that they can't give plasma that day. When I finally made it through screening and went to the back, one of the otehr guys who had been in the waiting room with me shouted across the donor floor to ask, "What happened to Sylvester?" He was looking at me, and I realized at that moment that I now belong to the plasma subculture. It's an odd feeling. I don't necessarily want to belong to this subculture, but there I am, with a regular schedule and "colleagues." I am a purveyor of hidden knowledge, and I have been accepted as one of their own. Maybe I should approach it like an anthropologist. Nah.

First Plasma Post

The plasma center where I sell my blood has specialty plasma programs, in which they innoculate you for some disease (Hepatitis, Rabies, Anthrax), and I found out today that I qualify for one. I think it would be cool to say, "I'm vaccinated against Rabies," but the financial benefits of the program are not enough to make it worthwhile, especially since I'll likely only keep doing this until May if I can help it.

There are weird people at the center. Most of the people I meet come from a very different world than I do, and they talk about how to game the system all the time. Some of them claim to know people who pay the rent with their plasma earnings (trust me, they must be living in squalor based on how much they pay us). Others get rejected for having a high pulse (over 100 will get you turned away--how do you have a resting pulse that high?). One guy gets in and out in about 30 minutes. I asked him how he did it, and he told me he takes aspirin regularly (several pills a day) to thin is blood out, and the two days before his day to donate, he drinks lots of water and gatorade ("It replaces electrolytes"). Then he told me I owed him a bag of pork rinds as payment for his secrets. There are other guys who race each other to see who can finish faster. I spent my first few weeks trying to get things faster. One day I finished in 37 minutes, but usually it takes me around 50. So I started drinking lots of water. I tried taking aspirin the night before one donation. None of it helped. I tend to finish in 45-55 minutes no matter what. So I've given up trying. It isn't worth the effort to shave 20 minutes off my donation time. Other things are more important.

This is a business. I spend an hour waiting before it's my turn, regardless of how full the center is. They have arcane rules like, "If you step out the door, you go to the end of the line." But in the waiting room you get to listen to loudmouths brag about how quickly they finish. Then you think, "Do I really need to be here?" Unfortunately, the answer is still yes.

I'm on a Roll

While I'm at it, I think I'll write a little more this evening. I have a few things I would like to share. We've been trying to come up with new parenting strategies for dealing with Her Nibs. She has become a handful--part-time drama queen, full-time pain (not really, but you get the idea). It seems as though when she is awake, she is never off or on standby. She needs to be engaged every second of every day. If I'm around, she's constantly talking to me, and I've found myself telling her that I just need some time to myself more and more often. Well, I guess I didn't realize how this would go. A few weeks ago as we drove to church, she was taking to The Boy in the back of the car in a one-sided conversation, and she asked him what game he wanted to play. A moment passed in silence, then she said, "We can't play that game. The alone-time game is just for grown ups. You silly!" I guess I'll have to do things differently.

Secondly, I was asked to teach Sunday School at church. I've secretly always wanted this calling, but it turns out to be a lot harder than I expected. I have some opinions that might be termed "unorthodox," but only in a cultural sense. There are certain things about our religion that are not really points of doctrine, but many people think that they are. So in our very conservative ward, I've had to watch myself, and I've already received one talking to by an old man with no business telling me what I can and can't teach. The bishop knows what I'm teaching, and he has told me that everything is fine, so I'm going to ignore the old man (who looks like a cross between Skeletor and Jabba the Hutt--is that mean to say?) and continue doing what I'm doing. Some weeks are better than others. Today went really well. People were interested, they were making comments, and everyone was respectful of one another. I really felt like I was doing it right today, and I don't get to say that every week.

Thirdly, I thought I would introduce a new topic of discussion: blood plasma. Recently, I've taken to donating blood plasma. Well, selling is a better word. It's O.K. money, and one of the only things I can take on that is flexible and doesn't interfere with my real job. But I meet interesting people, and I've decided to write about my experiences on this blog. Hopefully you'll enjoy it, because I certainly don't on most days.

Introducing The Boy

One thing I forgot to mention in my Facebook rant is that we have finally come up with a new blog name for our son (formerly Lizard Loaf). He will henceforth be known as "The Boy" in all blog posts that refer to him. So to clarify, that makes my family Turtar (me), Plainbellied (my wife), Her Nibs (our 4-year-old daughter), and The Boy (our 4-month-old son).

Facebook

So I took the plunge and signed up for Facebook. It's an interesting place where I can be online and not totally anonymous. I wasn't sure how long it would last, but I've been on for over a month now. The impulse initially came when I wondered how people I went to high school with were doing. That impulse has passed, but there are a couple of games I got interested in, so I'm staying. The weirdest part about Facebook is getting in touch with people you haven't seen in decades, who you don't really remember very well, and having them seem really excited to hear from you. So far, I've found out that I ws the first boy a high school friend ever danced with, I got one vote for "class looker" in the senior yearbook, and I'm the third best of my high school friends on Word Twist and Pathwords (someday I'll be on top, though).

The craziest part is that I'm now "friends" on Facebook with one person I really hated. He was a jerk to me, but when his "riend request"came through, I allowed my curiosity to get the better of me, so there we are, friends, linked forever on the Facebook network. Well, at least until I hit the delete key. . .

But that's the problem, I signed up for Facebook knowing full well that erasing your presence from it is nearly impossible. So even though I enjoy the lack of anonymity there, I am terrified of saying or doing something wrong that will come back to bite me. I see some of the things my friends post, and I can't believe they would put it on the internet, which has a habit of remembering things. I'm not involved in anything sinister. There are no incriminating photos, since I haven't done anything sinister, but what if a prospective employer looks me up? What will they think?

Possibly I'm over-reacting. But then again, maybe Facebook is Big Brother.